New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
