Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
