Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
