Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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