whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
