So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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