whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
