You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
