He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
