the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
