I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
