Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
