I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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