I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
