Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
