i barfeds in our rink
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
