why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
