gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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