Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
