dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
