I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
