I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
