Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
