So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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