Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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