I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You took a bar mat shot.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
