Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
