Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
