Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
