There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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