he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
