I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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