i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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