i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
