I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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