nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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