Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
