sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
