did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
