i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
