Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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