My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i've created a new STD.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
