I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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