He asked to "fluff my boner.."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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