I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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