The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
