The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
