Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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