as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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