I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
