can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Soap is not a condiment
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
