Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
