Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
