Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
