The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
