Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
