I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my sisters under your porch take her home
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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