As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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