It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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