I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
