you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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