i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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