if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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