If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
