So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
