I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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