will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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