I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
