so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
