Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
