Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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