paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
