we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
