i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
