im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
