Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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