i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
