I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
